I was standing at the cross roads of life. Many people surrounding me. Still, I felt alone, aloof, stranded in the middle of a peak hour traffic. I had a wired feeling that every horn was blaring exactly at me. My head had a sharp pain wanting me to shriek until my vocal cords would burst out. I was scared. Fear crept through my whole body, that I started to shudder.
I was left with two choices. I could cut short my life in front of any approaching vehicle or cross the road and fight with my problem. I was still thinking when the signal changed. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t budge to move. But the crowd surrounding me, pushed me to the other end in no time. All I knew then was that I was made to choose, to live with it.
I was a happily married women just a few hours before. But now, my heart carried the most devastating message in it. I was tested positive for HIV-AIDS. The monster of the millennia which has no cure.
I had gone to the clinic for an entirely different reason. I guessed that I was pregnant. But it was just a wild guess, which I didn’t even share with him. All the series of mandatory tests got over. The doctor came in with a puzzled look. I guessed it was a wrong sign. And then came the most happiest moment in my life. The happiest two seconds, yes, it just lasted for two seconds ,when he confirmed that I was going to have a baby.
Then came the shrill voice of the doctor which still echoes in my ears.
‘But’ ,he hesitated ,’ We think you have the HIV virus tested active in you.’
I could not breathe, or think, or cry, or run away home.
As I reached home and he was waiting for me. He was my Prince Charming and I was his Cinderella. I always portrayed our marriage as a fairy tale. But I never knew that it would face such a disastrous end.
My face had a very bad habit. It would just blurt out all my feelings to him without allowing my mouth to do the job. And on that fateful day, it did the same. But the reason for all of it, he would never believe even in a dream.
I had to break both the news to him. I was not sure which would occupy my priority list first. With a stone heart, I told him that I was tested HIV positive.
Silence, was all that followed.
I didn’t know if I must tell him the other news. He was immersed in his own flow of thoughts. His silence gave a dreadful feeling to me as I blurted out, ‘Please don’t hate me!’.
I started sobbing when he pulled me closer to him and said, ‘I can never hate you dear ! Even if you turn an elf. This is just another virus. Pick up your arrow, let’s kill the devil together.’
He made me curl up a smile even in this sort of a situation. I felt guilty to have made him drown with worries. I stared right into his eyes and said, ‘Honey, I am carrying your baby. But… I don’t feel something right. If you don’t want me to have the baby..’.
‘What made you think so?’ , said he, cutting me short. ‘We are going to have a baby! Now wipe off your tears and tell me this news once again with all smiles in your face.’
‘Okay. We are going to have a baby. Was that okay?’
‘More emotions please.’
‘Oh my god! We are going to have a baby! Now?’
And so, it went on the whole night!
P.S: Any virus, be it HIV or Cancer cannot ruin one’s life if you are determined to live. So, stand up, stand tall and fight with it until your swords break!
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